I know I haven't blogged lately (ok, not since April...wow) but I've allowed Facebook to take its place and keep everyone apprised of my life and the progression of my children. But the new year has inspired me to blog, not about kids or family or events, but my advice to you and yours for the new year. My advice can cover many aspects of your life and many different kinds of relationships. It covers your home life and your work life, your appearance and health, maybe your resolutions for the new year.
Encouragement. It's the key to everything in my opinion. I read an article yesterday talking about new year's resolutions, specifically weight loss goals which are so common this time of year. It discussed a study done last year with 3 groups of obese Americans - one tracked their food and goals manually in a log, one tracked electronically (an app on your iPhone, for example, or a spreadsheet), and the last and most successful group tracked their progress on an app that gave them encouragement after they entered their info each day. "Great job" or "you're more than halfway to your goal, good work" or even "you still have time for a 10 minute walk before bed."
I've seen this in my life. Some people know I did Quick Weight Loss Center last year and lost about 15 lbs in a couple months. I believe part of the reason their program works (when it does work, that is) is the visits to the counselors 2 or 3 times a week. If you have a good center (mine was Cypress) they take your measurements, weight, etc. and look at your food log. They tell you how great you're doing or tips to get more protein or curb your appetite certain times of the day. But mostly, they encourage you to do more. They don't criticize you for failures. They recognize your successes. There's a bell by the scale to ring when you have lost weight, not a gong they klunk when you gained a pound or two. :)
If you think about it, I'm sure you can think of a handful of situations or relationships that you are drawn to due to positive encouragement. A friend who consistently lifts you up, not blowing smoke at you but sincerely encouraging you to be the better you. A peer or boss at work who praises an achievement and makes you crave that praise some more by consistently improving your work. Your spouse throwing a term of endearment into a text or telling you they like the way that shirt looks. Even Facebook feeds the beast, whether its runkeeper posts (I know a lot of you hide them and I'm okay with that :)) and the praise that ensues when you knock out a good run, to encourage you to do better next time, or a picture you post of yourself and your best friends tell you how great you're looking after losing weight or getting a new hairdo. Encouragement makes you want to continue good behavior, be a better you, excel at what you're good at.
My advice is not only to appreciate the encouragement you're already getting from the people in your life. It's more critical than that. Look at yourself and think about how encouraging you are in your key relationships. Are you telling that employee how grateful you are that they stayed late to finish that project and that their time was well spent on a good work product? Are you telling your girlfriend how much you love her new shoes or that she made the right decision about this or that? Are you reminding your spouse that he looks fabulous in that sweater and he should wear it more often? How much more action comes from encouragement versus criticism? "I really appreciate what you did for me" versus "that was a stupid thing to say." Life's not perfect and you have to criticize in some situations in order to correct behavior, but encouragement of the good behavior will usually get you further faster.
Parents out there are saying "duh Kristi, pretty common knowledge when rearing children" even though we may not always follow the advice. But it works in your other relationships too. Regarding children, I do have a recent example. Hunter has always HATED blowing his nose. Last week, he was fighting it but somehow I convinced him to try. He blew (barely) and I went wild and crazy about how well he did it. He proceeded to blow his nose with all his might, succeeding more and more with practice, even asking me to help him blow his nose last night (for the first time ever). I continue to praise him like a crazy woman every time he does it. I know, silly example, but it works.
So a resolution...if you make one, say diet and/or exercise...find a good, positive accountability partner. Someone you know means well when they ask "what did you eat for lunch?" or "did you get your run in today?" And ask them to remain positive or have them read this blog entry so they know the encouragement you're looking for. Better yet, find someone with similar goals so that you can encourage them as well.
And my resolutions...I will be a more encouraging person, particularly with my kiddos as I'm not as consistent with this as I should be. And also, I will appreciate more...be thankful for what I have, for what people do for me, even if it's their job to do it. I will take encouragement and praise graciously ("thanks for saying that" or a simple "thank you" versus "shut up, that's silly" or "naw, you're just saying that" or various other things I normally say when people try to encourage or compliment me).
Lastly, and somewhat related but distant, I will be open about issues that are troubling me because being encouraging does not mean bottling up anything that isn't positive. If I have a problem with work, for example, the answer isn't to talk about it with my buddies and get everyone worked up about it but instead go to the person responsible and address the issue or find another solution. (You can substitute "work" in previous sentence with anything that fits - family, spouse, kids school, neighborhood, and then substitute "buddies" with spouse, coworkers, neighbors, family, etc.)
Happy New Year to you and yours. I hope 2012 is even better than 2011 was for you. Count your blessings and encourage the people who mean the most to you - I guarantee that it will come back to you in response.
